


Bathroom dance /Arthurs point of view

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl





	Bathroom dance /Arthurs point of view

I run and run and run, trying to focus on anything. To catch a clear thought. But there is just this pure instinct in me that tells me to find a hiding place. Somewhere to catch my breath. A place where I can take a moment to make sense of this. To feel what just happened. Because right now I feel too much and when you feel too much at once its the same as if you dont feel anything. Too much of it just makes you go numb. And I am close to that so I have to just stop and breathe somewhere.  
The only place I can think of is the public bathroom around the corner. So my feet are bringing me there. I´m glad I`m not wearing my clown shoes anymore. That would have made me a lot slower. I`m not even sure if anyone is chasing me or if anyone saw me. I wasnt seeing anything except that guy trying to escape. But I couldnt have let him go. I had to finish this. I had to bring this to an end.   
I get into the bathroom and slam the door behind me, leaning against it, trying to breathe. My lungs feel like tehy`re about to explode. And I`m not sure if this comes from the running or from the panic.  
The green lights from the ceiling are flickering, which creates an atmosphere of surrealism. It kinda represents my life. This green flickering light that`s trying to overcome the dark in an unreal world. But its both there simultaneously. The light and the dark. Reality and whaever is the opposite of that. What is the opposite of reality? Is it a dream or a hallucination? A thought? A memory? If you can`t trust a thought then in what can you trust? because you are thinking all the time. And if you cant trust a dream. Where should you go to at night to escape all the lies? And if you cant trust a memory, how could you possibly know who you are?  
You can even hear it if you listen closely. But my heavy breathing is muting it a lot. I concentrate on it. On my breathing. I`m alive. I´m alive and I feel it. I feel it in a way I`ve never felt it before. Its a different way to feel alive. Like an awakening rising inside of me. I dont` knwo if it feels good or bad, its just there and it keeps growing.   
And then the music starts to set in.  
My hands are still touching the door as my foot starts to move. I can`t hear my breathing anymore. It eighter has become calmer or the music in my head is too loud to hear myself breathe. I put my foot in front of the other. Half a circle.   
I dont know where the music comes from. It was always there. I remember certain situations in my life when I just wanted to mute out the rest of the world and then the music set in to keep me in a world of my own. My escape room. The music is a way to feel myself. Through the music in my mind I can feel my body. I can feel like its all connected. Even when I feel disconnected from the outside world. Me and The music are one. We exist in this room together. In this hiding place where there is no one else but us. Me, the music and whatever or whoever is rising inside of me.   
I can`t do anything but to give in to it. To what is there, demanding its power. My body obeys. It frees itself from the tension and panic I felt minutes before. Frees itself some te trembling sensation of fear. Its just flows and is.  
I am.  
I`m the orchestra vibrating through my muscles, the melodies running through my veins. red as the remains of blood on y chin. The blood of a stranger.  
I`m the violin and the hand who holds it. I`m the whisper in my head, saying you will be reborn. You will be stronger. You will be tranformed.  
And I give in to this transformation with everything thats within me. I embrace it, I`ll become it.   
My hands are floathing through the air. It is as if I`m watching myself from the inside. I`m moving gracefully, feeling weightless. This is my liberation. My destination. My way to the inside. To the very core. The most hidden corners of my subconciousness. This is me on my way to myself.   
Its rising and rising and I`m all there but I´m not. As one part is rising another part vanishes. And I hold on to it but let it go. I let it vibrate throuch my bones one last time. I try to be aware of what happens to me right now. But I`m not my thoughts anymore. I`m becoming pure emotion. Pure energy and it emerges with every movement, every melody of this tagically beautiful piece of music.  
Something inside of me wishes for an audience. People should wittness this. But I`m the only one in the room. I wittness myself coming out of my cocoon. And I´m flyin high. Taking action freed me.   
Something just changed inside.   
I take a look in the mirror. Finally I see myself. I am all there but I`m not.   
Spreading my arms for the audience that is my new self.


End file.
